Angel

I have been wondering how to put this post into words.  We lost our baby girl...and gained an instant guardian angel all in a moment.  I had anxiety to the point of tears going into my 25 week apt...when my doctor asked me what was wrong, I told her I just needed to hear my little girl's heartbeat and then would feel better.  It's still hard to comprehend the sequence of events from the amazing ultrasound we experienced 5 weeks earlier to the one we had to sit through that day.  God had called Hallie Rae to be with Him in Heaven sometime between May 30th and July 2nd.  I delivered her body on July 5th at 5:21 pm, and we held her for the last time on the 10th.  Our little angel was 10 oz and 10 1/4 inches long.

~ Broken Chain ~

We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name.

In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone;

for part of us went with you, the day God called you home.

You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide;

and though we cannot see you, you are always at our side.

Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same;

but as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.

Ron Tranmer

It's hard to think of our future without our little Hallie.  She will always be an important part in our lives, it's just in a different way then I had envisioned.  I am so thankful for all my family and friends, but above all for the 3 boys in my life.  Going through such loss makes you realize how important people are...I am thankful I have a wonderful husband and 2 precious little boys that I get love and hug every day.  Kids have an amazing way of putting things into perspective.  I will never forget the night we found out we lost Hallie...I was tucking Ben into bed and he asked me 2 questions...what was his sister's name, and if I thought Tate was helping take care of her.  There's no doubt in my mind.  Since then we have had several conversations about Hallie...and each talk I have with him does my heart good.  As for my Zach...when I first saw him that day...he came up and just hugged me and sat on my lap...not understanding, just knowing his mom needed his love.  :)

Thank you to everyone who has reached out to us.  There's no book that tells you how to reach out to people in times of loss that applies to everyone, nor is there one for how to react to such kindness.  Each day is a day of healing and there are moments that still take my breath away...I can only say thank you...even if I haven't responded directly, every little thought, prayer, words that you've shared have meant a lot.